There are a lot of people in the world who are different from each other. The differences lie in their character, the way they walk, talk, eat, dress, the rules of culture, and their development as individuals. All these moments greatly influence a person. It often happens that there are people who have no idea about the culture and rules of communication.
Insults
Most people can often be rude and present others in a bad light. Such situations can occur with people of different ages, from early childhood to adulthood. Not all people can insult and be rude. There are those who simply do not know what to do in such situations. What to do if you are offended? This question concerns everyone who has been insulted at least once in their life. It makes you think about your actions and actions towards other people.
Why are people rude? What are the reasons for their behavior like this?
In order to understand how to act in such situations, it is important to understand the reasons for the occurrence of such behavior in another person. After all, knowing the reason, you don’t have to take the person’s words seriously. An insult can be immediately responded to beautifully and without developing further conflict. People can be rude and humiliate another person for the following reasons:
- The person is unhappy and cannot fully enjoy himself. In this situation, he may insult others for the reason that he considers himself unhappy. That is, he has nothing to be happy about in life. At the same time, shouting at another helps him feel happy.
- There is no reason to be offended. There are people who simply feed on negative energy, and their screams are a common condition that does not allow them to live in a normal way. He wastes his nerves, his emotions, because he has pain inside.
- By reducing the importance of another person, many people boost their ego. As you know, ego is a state of mind that helps a person feel a personality within himself. But this feeling should be in moderation. Because otherwise, he will simply rise above the other person, picking on him for petty offenses. The important thing to remember here is that everyone has their own shortcomings.
What should you do if you are offended?
What to do if you are offended? In such a situation, it is important to behave as required by behavior and communication norms. You don't always have to stoop to the same level and offend him with your words and actions. After all, a weak and insecure person insults. There are a lot of such people in life, it is impossible to get rid of them. Therefore, you should not take it seriously and not pay attention to it.
But what if you were seriously offended? What to do in such a situation? There are a large number of cases when you can be rude. A conflict situation may occur, and during it insults will surface. This is perhaps the most common occurrence in life, and it can happen to almost anyone.
If you are an abuser...
It happens that a person did not want to do this. But, alas, it happened in a fit of strong emotions. Then many become interested in knowing how to behave if you have offended a person? What to do in such a situation? It's easier here. After all, it’s enough just to stop saying nonsense and simply ask for an apology, explaining your impulse that it’s just emotions.
School. What to do if your child is bullied by his peers at school?
Insult is always unpleasant words. They may be addressed to another person. What to do if you are offended? You can act in such a situation in different ways. Depending on the person who is being rude, and on the moment at which the incident occurred.
There are different areas of a person's life that will also differentiate when conflicts and abuse occur. For example, school. This is a place where children of different ages come to study. They spend a lot of time in it, gain knowledge on subjects, and sometimes also life experience.
If at school, what should parents and children do? First of all, it is important to remember that if a child is offended, then only parents should monitor this and stand up for the child. Each person understands the word “offend” differently. Its essence is also conveyed to children in various ways.
Boys are prone to frequent insults; during the game they may say offensive words or commit some action. Your child does not need to be taught that it is necessary to repeat the same movement and say the same words. After all, it often happens to children that after half an hour they are already playing again. And when adults are taught to respond to bad actions with bad deeds, then these scandals will only begin to grow.
So what should you do if your child is bullied at school? Let's figure it out now. It is important for parents to solve children's problems from a very early age, or rather, to help them cope in difficult situations. Children come from different families, with different abilities and ability to behave. Therefore, it is worth focusing on their education. If a child often begins to hear bad words addressed to him, then over time he will simply withdraw and stop developing as a person, because he will have fear. Unfortunately, this can happen once and for a lifetime. Therefore, from a very early age, it is important to accustom a child to the possibility of aggression from other people and words of insult.
Parents must clearly separate the words and actions of classmates. If these are just verbal insults, then it is important to teach the child to react and respond to them correctly. But it also happens that the matter takes a different turn, namely, the child may be hit. In this case, the parents are simply obliged to stand up for him.
What to do if your spouse hurt you?
Unfortunately, abuse can happen even within the walls of your own home. This is the feeling that can be caused during a quarrel or scandal. Most often, such aggressive actions can occur between husband and wife. Spouses often argue and allow themselves to say bad words.
If your husband offends you, what should you do in this case? Of course, it is important to understand that if you are insulted, then each person in the couple is to blame. Rarely can a spouse utter words of humiliation to his significant other just like that. Most often, it is an incident that happened that provokes the manifestation of such emotions. Adults should calm down and find a compromise in resolving a conflict dispute. There are some types of cases when the husband seriously offends, and in this case ordinary conversations cannot be done. Here it is worth looking for the reason for this occurrence and solving the problem as soon as possible.
What to do if you offend a man?
It also happens that a man. What to do in such a situation? It's a little easier here. The whole reason is that a woman can offend and immediately be able to easily and simply make amends for her guilt. After all, she is full of charm and attractiveness, which she can take advantage of. It’s actually simple, especially when you know your weak points and just cling to them. In the modern world, men are no longer those knights on horses who can stand up for themselves and for the interests of their women.
Now you know what to do if you are offended. And here it is important to make key points. First of all, you should be smarter than the one who offends. And this means that sometimes you need to remain silent and ignore a person. Of course, you can’t always give up and remain silent. Because there are situations that do not allow repetition. Then it’s worth responding nicely and clearly to the insult.
You need to remember that the loser is the one who offends. Such people should be pitied. After all, they are unhappy in life, they do not have their own happiness and things to do that would simply distract them from negative thoughts. You can respond to insults with the same actions and words. The person will understand that he is wrong and perhaps apologize for his actions. At the moment of insult, it is necessary to turn off emotions. After all, sometimes they will simply spoil the whole picture and only lead to a negative result. It is important to perceive yourself as an individual, behave like a person and understand that there are people around you who want to live, enjoy every day, raise children and be happy. But they have their own character and behavioral characteristics. Therefore, it is important to treat them the same way as they do.
A little conclusion
One has only to imagine for a moment what will happen if every person responds to insults and harsh behavior in exactly this way - this will be the end of peace and goodness on earth. Every psychologist claims that it is necessary to change yourself first. Once the offending habits go away, everything will fall into place. Then children will not hear this and then repeat it after adults.
Each of us faces rudeness every day. In stores, in transport, on the street, in hospitals - everywhere there are people who can ruin your mood for the whole day.
Offend and Anyone can spoil a person's mood, especially born rude people. On their antics must be responded to correctly. TO you need to be prepared for this and know what to answer in order to save your nerves and get out of it with dignity the situation.
Of course, there are situations when answering no offense worth it:
- on insulting strangers store, transport or other public place do not worth paying attention. It is unlikely that anyone other than the police will be able to calm them down;
- Not worth answering rudeness of strangers if they provoke a fight. True, if someone wants to fight, they won’t just let you go, but if there is a chance to avoid a fight, use it;
- on rudeness can be encountered in on the Internet different forums or in the comments. Provoking people to I bet many people make money this way or simply stroke their ego. On rudeness in social networks are not costs answer to save time and nerves.
When we still have to answer, we we're upset that we don't managed to fight back correctly, and even if it seemed that you you answer adequately, after the fact you still receive phrases that fit better would. So as not to If you upset yourself, you can learn in advance to respond to the offender.
What a funny way to answer insult
Many people make the mistake of the insult is responded to with rudeness. Of course, when we are offended, it's annoying, but if you gather your strength and do not deign the boor with attention, you will definitely win the argument. Howsoever it was difficult, make it clear that you do not care about the words of the person who is rude. The best option- respond to rudeness with humor.
If you have there will be witty phrases in stock, then You you can get out of any situation.
Immediately forget about the drums hung around the necks of the offenders, so that they lead the column of those going somewhere. This is an unconstructive reaction, albeit with a dose of sarcasm. When responding to an insult, it is better to use intellectual humor to show your superiority over the rude person:
- "WITH At this moment I ask for more details...”;
- "Like You’re good at coming up with nasty things”;
- "I see you We spent the whole night preparing our speech”;
- “Should we call an ambulance? You probably feel bad, since you started talking such nonsense”;
- “I want to thank your parents for raising such a good person”;
- “Thank God, you’re talking nonsense again! And I already thought that you were a smart person.”
If the insulter does not understands humor and continues to speak poorly in your side, try to correctly explain to the person in clever words that he behaves rudely. On clever phrases a rude person may not find a decent answer and will simply leave you behind. Don't shout and swear - quite politely and intelligently explain that someone not right. Such composure will unsettle a boor.
How to exit with dignity such situations? There is a wise way. Agree with in the words of a rude man and thank you for what he I found your shortcomings. This method is very effective- you don’t even be rude in response, but you put the boor in awkward situation. Ill-mannered people need to be made clear that they are behaving ugly. On tactful remark they will react and think about it.
If someone emphasizes your appearance (blonde, bespectacled, fat), bring this feature to the fore and thank the interlocutor for his observation. “Yes, I’m blonde, we’ve been talking for an hour, and you just noticed!” It’s taking a long time to get to you!”, “Do I need to remind you that glasses have always been considered a sign of intelligence. That’s why I see that you don’t have glasses.”
Best answers to insults
Not on All insults can be answered with one memorized phrase. If you're boorish looks illiterate, then smart maxims will come in handy. Beautiful and correct answers to rudeness:
- "Not I want to break away from such an interesting conversation, but I'm in a hurry";
- "How to answer you so as not to offend";
- “No, no, I always yawn when I’m interested in a conversation with my interlocutor”;
- "You you know, a friend of mine is conducting an experiment on study of primate intelligence, you just need to get involved.”
To be ready for any insults, you need to know what a provocateur may look like. The face of a boor:
- more often these are weak individuals who are trying to defend themselves with insults;
- rude people - these are energy vampires who enjoy taking people out of myself;
- Aggressive people who love to argue. This is Y they become a habit;
- foolish people.
How to speak smartly answer to rudeness
To be ready to answer insults, learn a few smart phrases that may come in handy. True, keep in I see that there are not just smart words enough. You need to show the offender that you- a confident person, and it's hard to get you out of myself. Therefore, all words must be pronounced clearly, in a calm tone.
Examples of phrases that can be used in response to insults:
- "Not it's worth being so angry, but That your eyes will now take on the color of your red blouse”;
- "If you fools would fly I wouldn't be here now stood";
- "Not I know your preferences in food, but products that you use in food, clearly reduce intelligence”;
- "It's easy for you to surprise me “just say something smart”;
- “You probably haven’t been hugged enough in childhood, that's why you so angry. Let me I’ll hug you..."
Costs should I answer at all? insults
Is it necessary to answer insults, you decide You. Keep in mind that the retaliatory insult in the address of loved ones can lead to that the relationship will be damaged. Therefore, in order not to allow a scandal to occur, try to defuse the situation on the contrary.
Do not forget that rude people are usually people offended by fate who simply cannot argue their opinion. Therefore, do not be rude yourself and do not respond to the antics of strangers.
And one moment. When an insult comes to you, you decide how to react to it. But if someone is rude to people close to you - offends a girlfriend, mother, laughs at a brother or sister - then a reaction is needed. Again: there is no need to get involved in a fight, it is enough to simply show that you are intellectually superior to your interlocutor, and that the one at whom the rudeness was directed has a patron.
What to say in answer to rudeness of strangers
If a stranger is rude to you and you decided no matter what began to fight back, use the repetition method. On respond to the rude person’s words with the phrases: “What are you talking about!", "AND what's next? ","That's it? Is that all now? So you get rid of it quickly unpleasant person.
Use the surprise method: when insulted, sneeze and say that you are allergic to rudeness. A In general, when strangers start to be rude, find out the reason for this behavior. If his insults are unfounded, let him know that and that they are unpleasant to you. In rare cases, of course, the offender is right, and the remarks hit the mark. In such cases, you will have to agree with the speaker, but reproach him for pointing out your shortcomings so rudely.
IN in most cases a person does not ready to that he might be offended. Not do you know what to answer? Just improvise. Be calm, don't it's worth going with emotions about. Before you say anything, think about what might the interlocutor says the answer. When you learn to control your thoughts and emotions, you get out of it easily any situation.
01. Any similarity between you and a person is purely coincidental!02. Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?03. As an outsider, what do you think about the human race?04. I would like to punch you in the teeth, but why should I improve your appearance?05. At least there is one positive thing about your body. It's not as scary as your face!06. The brain isn't everything. But in your case it’s okay!07. Be careful, don't let your brain get into your head!08. I like you. They say I have disgusting taste, but I love you.09. Have your parents ever asked you to run away from home?10. If only I had a face like yours. I would sue my parents!11. Don't be upset. Many people have no talent either!12. Don't be offended, but is it your job to spread ignorance?13. Keep talking, someday you will manage to say something smart!14. Do you still love nature despite what it has done to you?15. I don’t think so, maybe you have a brain sprain!16. Fellows like you do not grow on trees, they hesitate there.17. He has a mechanical mind. This is bad for him; he often forgets to turn his back to the wind.18. His mind is like a steel trap that always slams shut when he tries to find the answer!19. You are a man of the earth, it’s bad that you’re not the best part of it.20. He thought - this is something new.21. When it finally gets dark, you'll probably look better!22. Yes, you are just a wonderful comedian. If it's funny, it's a miracle!23. In Who's Who you should be searched as What's This?24. You are living proof that a person can live without a brain!25. It is so short that when it rains, he is always the last to know about it.26. Yes, you are just a template for an idiot to build.27. Why are you here? I thought the zoo closed for the night!28. How did you get here? Did someone really leave the cage open?29. Don’t try to find anything in your head, it’s empty.30. I think you wouldn't want to feel the way you look!31. Hello! I am human! What are you?32. I can't talk to you right now, tell me where you will be in 10?33 years. I don't want you to turn the other cheek, it's just ugly.34. I don't know who you are, but it would be better if you didn't exist, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.35. I don't know what makes you stupid, but it really works.36. I can drive the monkey out of you, but it will cost you a lot!37. I can't remember your name and please don't help me with this! 38. I don’t even like the people you’re trying to copy.39. I know you were born stupid, but why did you relapse?40. I know that you are self-made. It's good that you admit your guilt!41. I know you are not as stupid as you look. This is impossible!42. I saw people like you, but then I had to pay for the ticket!43. Why are you such a fool today? Although I think this is typical for you.
Book fragment Kovpak D.V. The wrong ones were attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012
How long can you put up with rudeness? In transport, at work, visiting, at home, online, on the street - anywhere! How long can you play the role of the victim? Patiently enduring any inconvenience, any manifestation of rudeness. A famous psychotherapist and courageous man, Dmitry Kovpak decided that enough was enough! Read his exciting stories and professional advice on combating rudeness and cynicism. Doctor Kovpak is ready to change the world around him without bending to it! And you?
Basic Strategies for Overcoming Rudeness
Effective counteraction
Obviously, there are three approaches in relationships between people. The first is to consider only yourself and suppress others... The second is to always give in to others in everything... The third approach is to keep in mind your own interests without neglecting the interests of others.
Only the dead cannot be touched alive. Each of us has found ourselves in situations where we were hurt or psychologically traumatized. A natural desire arises to punish or teach the offender a lesson, or to minimize the damage to the reputation and assessments of others.
What exactly should I do? Tolerate or respond? How will all this turn out? And a whole host of other questions are constantly spinning in my head. This is not the first time this has happened and not only to you. How did people who had already encountered a similar problem respond to this before?
Confucius was once asked the question: “Is it right to return good for evil?” To which he replied: “You need to respond to good with good, and you need to respond to evil with justice.”
Undoubtedly, if you regularly allow yourself to be offended, this can become a habit among your offenders. A rude person’s desire to make a remark or even lash out at you comes before there is a reason for it.
If you help unbalanced people by regularly providing them with a platform to vent their irritation, this tactic will begin to work automatically for them. They will no longer have to wonder who is to blame for everything.
So, by confusing patience and prudence with fear and laziness, you can turn into a local scapegoat.
A person in reality is not as peaceful as he declares and even as he thinks about himself. Therefore, expecting your offenders to see the light on their own, admit mistakes and injustices being committed, may turn out to be too time-consuming and expensive a strategy. Help them realize that they are in for the wrong thing.
But respond not to the content of the enemy’s speech, but to the very fact of his interference in something that is not your business.
Whether there are winners in a fight with rude people is a controversial and even rhetorical question. However, if you have decided to take up martial arts, then some skills, technologies and useful information will not hurt you.
Those entering a verbal duel require a number of qualities and skills:
- efficiency of searching and reproducing information;
- wit, irony;
- resourcefulness, cunning, enterprise;
- ability to use logic and consistent argumentation;
- mastery of rhetoric;
- stress resistance and tolerance (tolerance);
- noise immunity.
Quite often, people, when defending their interests, behave rudely and unceremoniously, mixing the concepts of aggressive, passive-unconfident and confident behavior. The difference in these modes of behavior is that, acting confidently, a person does not insult or oppress others, respecting the rights of people as much as his own.
People who know how to properly stand up for themselves are significantly less susceptible to stress in difficult life situations and more often experience feelings of self-satisfaction and self-esteem.
People who act in an aggressive manner actually experience feelings of guilt, inferiority or self-doubt and try to mask these underlying feelings with their aggressive behavior.
The key to confident behavior is to reinforce new patterns of attitude and behavior through regular practice.
Remember: what you say to a rude person is much less important than how you say it.
In order to successfully put boors and aggressors in their place in any situation, you must first of all clearly understand the right to the inviolability of your personality and personal life.
Manifestation of rudeness is, first of all, evidence of a person’s lack of worthy arguments.
“Jupiter, you are angry, which means you are wrong,” Prometheus once said to the angry Jupiter, who was ready to throw lightning at him, having found no other answer.
The most ineffective way to respond to a boor is to get emotional and shout all sorts of nonsense in response. Thus, you become the twin brother of this ill-mannered type and slide down to his level. And most importantly, your emotions will show that his arrows reached their target and hurt you.
But sometimes this helps relieve tension. The cost of such a drop varies depending on the situation and the environment present at that moment, as well as the delayed consequences. Sometimes it is prohibitively high.
The method of throwing negative emotions into the water helps much better. Especially when the situation is already in the past, but you still want to “wave your fists.”
Open the tap and simply scream everything that has boiled into the stream of water. At the same time, wash your face with cool water and go get positive emotions. The conflict is over. You turned out to be smarter!
Imagine this situation: you were very angry with your boss, who harshly and rudely reprimanded you for a situation that you actually had nothing to do with. After he leaves, you hit the table with your fist, break two pencils, a pen, and turn a whole stack of papers into a shapeless mass. Will these actions reduce your anger? And will they prevent you from becoming angry with your manager in similar situations in the future?
According to the well-known theory of catharsis (purification), the answer in both cases will be positive. When an angry person lets off steam through vigorous, non-harmful activities, the following things happen: first, the level of tension or arousal decreases, and second, the tendency to resort to overt aggression against provoking (or other) individuals decreases.
These assumptions go back to the works of Aristotle, who believed that contemplating a production that forces the audience to empathize with what is happening can indirectly contribute to the “purification” of feelings. Although Aristotle himself did not specifically propose this method for defusing aggressiveness, a logical continuation of his theory was proposed by many others, in particular S. Freud, who believed that the intensity of aggressive behavior can be weakened either through the expression of emotions related to aggression, or by observing the aggressive actions of others.
While recognizing the reality of such “purification,” Freud was subsequently quite pessimistic about its effectiveness in preventing overt aggression. He seems to have believed that his influence was ineffective and short-lived. Indeed, watching films or television programs with scenes of violence does not lead to a decrease in the level of aggression - on the contrary, such an experience is likely to increase the intensity of aggressive manifestations in the future.
The level of aggression does not decrease if a person takes out his anger on inanimate objects.
Remember how we like to retell myths about the basements of Japanese corporations, where supposedly employees thresh effigies of their bosses and then go to their workplace calm and happy. Giving people the opportunity to whack inflatable toys, throw darts at images of hated enemies, or smash objects into pieces does not necessarily reduce the strength of their desire to commit aggressive acts towards those who harass them.
The level of aggression does not decrease after a series of verbal attacks either - on the contrary, the findings indicate that such actions actually increase the aggression of the opponent.
The English writer John Ruskin said: “A gentle answer removes malice.”
This is also a certain technique. Only it requires sufficient hardening and endurance. To have enough patience to respond politely to malicious insults and not lose your temper not only externally, but also internally. To do this, you will need to develop considerable self-discipline.
As a last resort, you can say a calmly neutral descriptive phrase, for example: “How rude you just spoke. Communication in this form/tone does not suit me.” Sometimes this stops the offender or throws him off for a while. In any case, you will get a pause and will be able to retreat from the place of verbal battle with your head held high.
This way you will eliminate the reason for subsequent returns to the situation in memories, which happens when an unrequited insult is swallowed, with the scrolling of “victorious scenarios” in fantasy - the virtual “waving of fists” after a verbal battle.
The main thing is to maintain inner self-confidence.
Gandhi’s mental phrase to himself would be appropriate: “They are not able to take away our self-respect unless we ourselves give it to them.” And the anecdotal evidence that we often feel better (that is, less agitated or stressed) by responding to people who annoy us is indeed justified, as some serious aggression researchers claim.
If you have time, allow the interlocutor to finish speaking without obvious aggression, listen to him carefully, correctly and analytically.
Listening carefully means perceiving the words that are spoken, without being too distracted by passing thoughts. That's right - give feedback signals showing that you understand the interlocutor (for example, by nodding). Analytically - grasp the essence of the statement, while simultaneously perceiving the information encrypted between the words. Listening is a real art.
But there are situations when the interlocutor speaks sharply negatively about you or lies. In such a delicate situation, this rule should be abandoned. Calmly interrupt the conversation the moment you notice that a lie has been told: just politely and correctly correct your interlocutor. But please be brief.
For example, during round table negotiations or speaking at the podium, you need to react immediately - if not with words, then with a negative shake of the head or gestures.
You can react to a negative statement later if it happened during a dialogue, but if a third party or audience is present, they will wait for your reaction. And lack of reaction means consent!
Don't be afraid to break rules and stereotypes if necessary. A smart person chooses tactics depending on the situation.
Questioning technique is the queen of dialectics. “He who asks, controls!” - this is how one of the leading rules of the art of conversation is formulated in the form of a slogan.
Questions are often tools of pressure to demand information, deepen the topic of conversation, motivate interlocutors, or shift the conversation from a material or technical plane to an emotional one. They also serve to demand an explanation, insist on justice, encourage the participants in the conversation or inspire them with something, demand facts or specify the statements of the interlocutor.
So remember your questioning tactics. With them you can stop the aggressor and boor. Don't be afraid to answer a question with a question. This is also a powerful tool.
The client asks:
- Why do all realtors answer a question with a question? Realtor's response:
- What do you think?
If someone tells you what to do, makes incorrect comments, tries to test your knowledge in any area, or gives you grades that you did not ask for, you can fight back in one of the following ways, described by V. Petrova.
The initial, most gentle and polite method of self-defense can be described as a “psychological barrier.” With our polite and specific comments, we can delimit our personal space, clearly making it clear to the interlocutor that he is encroaching on someone else's territory. As a rule, after the first stage of self-defense, most of the aggressors retreat.
Most often, this method is used when strangers or people we barely know express their thoughts, comments, or give us advice that we did not ask for.
Here are examples of such responses:
- Thank you for your attention, you don't have to worry about it.
- Please don't worry about our affairs, we can sort it out ourselves.
- Please don't pay so much attention...
- Please don't bother yourself...
- Sorry, but is it any of your business? Don't say, “It's none of your business,” which sounds much harsher, and also avoid saying, “It's my business,” because it draws attention to your person (directs the attention of others to you) rather than to your opponent's behavior.
- A possible option is to remind the attacker that only the court or the Lord God has the right to judge, and the aggressor has no right to give assessments to other people. The power of these words lies in the fact that every person latently understands that he himself is not ideal and does not have the moral right to dictate to others. Any critic and boor can be ridiculed for assigning them the role of a judge: “Who are the judges?”
- “On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you examining me?” - such answers are formalized, but this helps to maintain one’s own confidence by association with the power of the bureaucracy and confuses unbridled boors who often operate in vernacular. The aggressiveness of such a response is significantly muted, and it can be used even in conversations with superiors in case of strong pressure.
- “Let God judge that. Or do you want to take over his functions?” It doesn't matter who you're talking to - an atheist or a religious fanatic, it will still work. Redirecting “to God” is an effective technique, since everyone understands that by giving an assessment to another person, he is clearly exceeding his authority.
It is necessary to distinguish between rudeness and objective criticism.
All people make mistakes, and so do you. If you were criticized on the matter (for example, in your point of view you did not take into account some fact, did not notice something, made some mistake or oversight) - thank the critic, for example, with the words: “Yes, indeed, I did not take into account / took this fact into account. Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind,” “Thanks, I just didn’t notice that,” “I’ll think about it, thanks for the comment/information.”
A whole range of techniques for fighting back against rude people is built on the principle of transferring attention from your personality to the personality of the attacker.
An example is the phrase of one of the characters in the film “Kin-dza-dza”: “Did someone tell you that you are smart, or did you decide so yourself?”
Another option for shifting attention to the personality of the rude person is to describe his actions. Any action of your interlocutor can be represented as a picture, only painted not with paints, but with your words.
A person who behaves unworthily, as a rule, does not realize that the ugliness of his behavior and the motives that force him to act in this way are clearly visible to others, or simply displaces the understanding of this. Oddly enough, it seems to the aggressor that people only perceive his words, but do not see him (do not evaluate him). Therefore, in order to confuse the enemy, you should describe his behavior in the form of a visual picture, for example: “Can you hear what you are saying?” or “Do you realize what you look like now?”
People who like to speak for others, in particular, to speak from the position of “highest values”, “standards of morality and morality”, can also be put in their place.
You should ask the person who, for example, accused you, who specifically was harmed by your actions. If not to him personally, then you are not obligated to talk to him, much less report to him. Answer: “We will talk about this with the person whose interests were affected, but not with you.”
If the aggressor claims that you are causing damage to many at once, say: “If you wish, you have the right to contact the appropriate authorities” (for example, to your superiors, to the house management, to the police, to the court, etc.). But under no circumstances get involved in a debate that you don’t need. Do not make excuses, do not report to a person who is not an official, whose responsibilities actually include a legal assessment of your actions.
You should not talk to people who insist that you are harming third parties, even if you have irrefutable evidence of your own innocence. Save this evidence in case someone in authority to whom you actually have an obligation to report gets involved.
The very fact that you began to make excuses to a stranger indicates that you have low self-confidence, you are easily made to feel guilty, and you “owe” too much to others.
No matter how self-confident and arrogant a boor may seem to you, remember that there are people in the world with whom he is afraid to talk the way he talks to you.
Also, a rude person would not dare to behave in such a way if the situation was seen by people whom he fears or whose opinion he values. You can appeal to them: “Why don’t you repeat the same thing to so-and-so (name of this person’s boss, a relative whom he respects or fears, etc.)?”, “You don’t talk like that at work! »
Another option is to refer to virtual witnesses: “What do you think a well-mannered person would do in your place?” (you can name a specific person whom the aggressor respects), “Why do you think other people don’t do this?”
If a person who is on duty behaves unworthily, you can comment on his behavior with the wish that his words be heard by a person who is honored by representatives of this profession.
Once a teacher called a student a swear word. He was not taken aback and said: “Let Makarenko and Sukhomlinsky hear you.”
The so-called method of Milton Erickson (a famous hypnopsychotherapist), who used metaphors and stories that contained a hint or example of the behavior of the person for whom the story was intended, was very effective.
Metaphor is a type of indirect suggestion. This word consists of two Greek roots: meta - “through” and fore - “to carry”. That is, metaphor is a means of transfer. What does the metaphor convey? It transfers meanings bypassing conscious controls and barriers.
For example, here's a story about how not everything is as rude as it seems.
One day a wanderer stopped an old man walking to find out how far it was to the city.
“Go,” he answered monosyllabically. The puzzled wanderer continued on his way, reflecting on the rudeness of the local residents. But he had not walked even fifty steps when he heard:
Wait! The old man stood on the road and shouted to the traveler:
You're still an hour away from the city.
Why didn't you answer right away? - exclaimed the wanderer.
“I had to see what steps you were taking,” the old man explained.
Or a story about jumping to conclusions.
A knight walked through the desert. His journey was long. On the way, he lost his horse, helmet and armor. Only the sword remained. The knight was hungry and thirsty. Suddenly in the distance he saw a lake. The knight gathered all his remaining strength and went to the water. But right next to the lake sat a three-headed dragon.
The knight pulled out his sword and with his last strength began to fight the monster. He fought for days, then he fought for two days. He cut off two dragon heads. On the third day the dragon fell exhausted. An exhausted knight fell nearby, no longer able to stand on his feet or hold his sword.
And then, with the last of his strength, the dragon asked:
- Knight, what did you want?
- Drink some water.
- Well, I would drink it...
And finally, remember the enchanting film “Formula of Love” and the doctor’s calm rebuke to the rogue Cagliostro using illustrative examples from life:
Yes, yes,” Cagliostro agreed. - So many fables have been made up about me that I get tired of refusing them. Meanwhile, my biography is simple and common for people holding the title of master... Let's start with childhood. I was born in Mesopotamia, not far from the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, two thousand one hundred and twenty-five years ago... - Cagliostro looked around those gathered, as if giving them the opportunity to realize what they had heard. - You are probably amazed at such an ancient date of my birth?
No, it’s not amazing,” the doctor said calmly. - We had a clerk in the district, in the patchports, where the year of birth was, he only indicated one number. Ink, the scoundrel, you see, saved. Then the matter became clear, he was sent to prison, and the patch port was no longer remade. Still a document.
© Kovpak D.V. The wrong ones were attacked! or How to deal with rudeness? - M.: Peter, 2012
© Published with permission from the publisher
How to respond competently to insults? You cannot find anyone in the world who has never been insulted.
However, some look optimistic and happy with life, while others react painfully to other people’s attacks and retreat into a hole.
Let's think about how to properly respond to insults and remain unconvinced?
Big bosses, school teachers, kindergarten teachers, employees of registry offices and housing offices, even ordinary janitors - everyone now and then strives to insult the innocent.
It is important to distinguish criticism (even in a rude form) from insults. A criticizing person will definitely name the facts; his claims are conditioned by specific things and actions.
But the insulter often gets personal, stoops to swearing, calls you names, but this has nothing to do with your mistakes.
What to do if your boss insults you
In my life there were two opposing work teams. At the planning meetings of the first, pleasant people gathered, discussed successes, calmly expressed criticism, and supported those who had not succeeded.
After the speech of the talented and calm leader, everyone was full of enthusiasm and got to work with renewed energy.
At meetings of the second job, the boss constantly shouted; he considered everyone to be mediocrities and fools.
He could humiliate a young girl for an immodest outfit, a plump secretary for being overweight, and torment a colleague for half an hour for a crumpled tie.
Exhausted and tired, everyone took up work with reluctance, and once a month someone was sure to quit “on their own.”
The easiest way is to say “run away from this job,” because nothing will change the boss. But not everyone can change lucrative positions like gloves.
However, if you respond competently to insults, you will soon be able to earn his respect and remain in the team for a long time.
What is needed for that? Calm tone, increased self-esteem, smile, self-esteem and understanding the reasons for other people's behavior.
The shorter your answers are,all the better.
Don't be angry in response, put on a friendly face and forgive the offender in advance. After all, he is weak and primitive, and you are stronger, higher than him.
1. Abstract yourself from the situation. Work is not life, it's just work. You get money - not for your nerves and complaisance, but for your skills, period.
But no one pays for your peace of mind, so take care of it. Limit contact with unpleasant people. And after work, friends, children, wife, pets, a delicious dinner, and your favorite TV series are waiting for you.
2. Turn on "ignore". Be silent and continue to do your business until the boss returns to a calm tone.
3. If the offender is angry in earnest, you can hiding malice, express my gratitude to him for his insightful comments.
He says to you: “Yes, you’re probably crazy!”, you boomerang to him: “Oh, you noticed that very well.” 
He: “Yes, I have never seen you more stupid,” and you: “Thank you, I appreciate all your comments. I’ll definitely work on myself.” Smile sincerely, well, almost.
4. Think about the scale of the disaster. Is it so scary that a colleague called you an ugly name in the heat of an argument? There is a war going on somewhere in the world, someone is definitely starving, stars are exploding, new planets are being formed...
On the scale of the universe, the words of some bungler are empty, zero. Should I react to insults and worry?
5.“Aquarium fish” technique helped many of my colleagues. It’s enough to imagine that the boss is talking and talking, and only bubbles are coming out of his mouth and only gurgling can be heard.
Mentally isolate yourself from it with aquarium glass and enjoy the view.
6. When people shout at you for no reason (in other words, when it is not necessary to delve into the meaning of the words), strain your imagination and Imagine boss, let's say, giant hamster. Or a mischievous monkey that escaped from its enclosure and steals bags from passers-by.
7. Draw air into your lungs and in one breath, exhaling evenly, say: “I wish you were more polite to me.”
Or " Let's get to the point: what specific complaints do you have against me??. For some, it puts them in their place, like an ice-cold shower.
One of my university teachers managed to fail the smartest students: instead of talking about tickets, she hurled personal insults in a quiet, malicious voice. Yes, yes, there are such luminaries of science.
But my not the most gifted (but calm as a tank) classmate managed to pass everything on the first try. During the exam, he also quietly told her: “You are behaving unprofessionally. Let's get back to the subject of discussion?"
8. It is very important to remind presumptuous bosses that slavery and serf labor have long been abolished.
If you are insulted and you hear shouts of “I demand”, “I order” and the like, try changing the tone of the conversation with a calm phrase: “So what exactly do you have for me?” request?”, placing emphasis on the last word.
9. The most important – don't show offense, do not give in to provocation.
Do not break down in response to reproaches and shouting, do not move your eyebrows angrily, and in general, do not give the offender a reason to see that you are offended. And only then will you win.
If the scream becomes a lump in your throat, go to the toilet, open the taps and scream. And then wash your face, smile in the mirror, take a deep breath - and back again.
10. A few more magic phrases that put a person in his place:“Why are you trying to offend me?”, “Are you having a bad day today? I understand, it happens”, “You seemed to me like a different, more pleasant person”, “I didn’t expect this from you”, “Excuse me, are you finished? I would like to work."
11. Control your thoughts. Don’t remember offensive words at night, don’t invent theoretical answers, don’t desire revenge.
All this exhausts you, spoils your mood, but has no effect on the offender.
The most “vindictive” thing you can do is to move on calmly and enjoy the new day in spite of everything.