Important rules for co-sleeping with your child. Co-sleeping with your baby

Let's leave it aside psychological aspects co-sleeping with your child and talk about how best to organize this process.

Co-sleeping with a child: theories and practices

On this issue, parents are divided into two opposing camps: those who promote it even before the birth of the baby and those who are against it. A separate camp consists of undecided mothers and fathers.

At the same time, practice shows that regardless of the position that the parents adhered to before the baby arrived in the family, there is always cooking for the newborn in the house and the baby periodically sleeps with the mother/parents.

Don’t make vows to yourself: to sleep or not to sleep with your child. Trust your intuition on this matter. On the one hand, at least once (more than once, to be honest, but more) you will have to take the baby into your bed, for example, during particularly acute experiences due to colic or colic. On the other hand, if you initially become an adherent of co-sleeping, you should understand that this will not last your entire life.

When co-sleeping with a child is contraindicated

There are several good reasons for this:

if one of the parents is categorically and categorically against regular co-sleeping. The reasons may be different (inconvenient, psychologically uncomfortable, scary, etc.), but any of them - serious reason refuse co-sleeping;
if any of the adults is in an uncontrollable state (any kind of intoxication, psychological instability);
if someone is sick;
if the shared bed does not meet safety standards for baby sleep. For example, a mattress that is too soft or too hard, a bed that is too narrow, bedding that can cause allergies in the baby, etc.

Rules for co-sleeping with your baby

Before you put your baby to sleep next to you, you need to pay attention to the following aspects:

the bed for sleeping together should be large. No “one and a half” and especially “single” beds, even if you plan to sleep only together with the baby;
It is better to place the baby between the wall and the mother, and not in the middle. If your bed is not moved towards the wall, rearrange it or build an impromptu wall (from blankets, sofa pillows, etc.) along one of the edges of the bed. It would be optimal to move the bed against the wall, and so that there are no gaps between the bed and the wall;
do not take your child to bed with you if you or the baby’s father are not feeling well;
Do not wrap your child in extra blankets or clothing. The baby already has natural spring warmth - mom. When sleeping together, the baby has little chance of freezing, but it is easy to get overheated.

When sleeping together with a child, a categorical “no”
water mattresses, air mattresses and feather beds.

What you need to prepare for co-sleeping with your child

Firstly, high-quality and natural bed linen. And, most likely, you will have to stock up on a couple of additional sets. No synthetics, only natural cotton. And you will have to change your bed linen often.

Secondly, reconsider your own sleepwear. It should also be made from natural materials, without long ties or ribbons, not cause allergies in the baby, and you should feel comfortable feeding your baby in it.

Thirdly, choose a pillow on which you will be equally comfortable both sleeping and feeding your baby.

And, most importantly, choose a suitable mattress for co-sleeping with your child.

How to choose a mattress for co-sleeping with a child

In our country it is still not customary to regularly change mattresses. Most often this happens when the mattress becomes completely unusable. But even if your mattress has not yet reached a critical condition, before the birth of your child, think about buying a new mattress.

Practice shows that co-sleeping is generally needed with children under one or two years of age. It is best to change the mattress before the baby is born. And remember that the shelf life of the mattress will most likely be longer than the need for co-sleeping, so choose a mattress so that not only the child, but also you later will be comfortable and pleasant to sleep on it.

What should a mattress be like when sleeping together with a baby:

the mattress must be exactly the size of the bed; the distance to the sides of the bed is permissible no more than 2-3 cm;
the mattress should be of medium hardness;
It is best if the mattress is without springs;
in no case should the mattress be inflatable or water;
be sure to use a mattress cover; It is better to choose a mattress filled with coconut fiber. It is fibers, not shavings. Coconut fiber retains its shape longer and the mattress is less subject to deformation.

Sudden infant death syndrome is what most often frightens parents when thinking about co-sleeping. But no significant link has been established between Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and co-sleeping! And the thought of accidentally harming the baby while sleeping is nothing more than a parent’s fear, not confirmed by anything!

Alternative options for co-sleeping with your baby

The first option is an additional cot for a baby. Its main difference from a regular crib is that it has a folding side, thanks to which it can easily be attached to an adult bed and the mother does not need to get up to reach the baby.

Family is not only a pleasant change in the life of every person, but also a huge responsibility. First of all, it falls on the shoulders of those spouses who decided to have and raise a child, because every mistake in their actions can become irreparable.

All in all

Adults periodically return to discussing the topic of “sleeping together with a child.” There are many supporters, but many opponents. When expecting their first child, all parents buy cribs for their babies, but subsequently they are often used for other purposes. In the first months, children sleep a lot, provided that their mother is nearby. It happens that they fall asleep well in your arms, but if you then put them in a crib, they wake up very quickly and cry.

During patronage, doctors advise young parents on how to feed, what kind of care to provide, and where to sleep for the child. They advise from the first days to accustom the child to a separate crib. Sleepless nights dealing with infants exhausts parents both physically and psychologically. Soon, some women, giving up on theoretical knowledge on issues of education, put the child in their bed. So, let’s look at the topic “Co-sleeping with a child: pros and cons.”

Arguments that co-sleeping is acceptable

Breasts are often latched to the breast at night; this is very convenient when sleeping together. The mother does not have to walk from her bed to the crib or feed while sitting, where there is still a risk of the baby being dropped by a tired woman who falls asleep while walking.

Mom has the opportunity to sleep at night.
Next to the mother, the baby is warm, which is important when his heat exchange is imperfect. After all, cooling the body promotes the production of stress hormones. In addition, the child feels safe and develops normally.
There is no risk that your baby will suffocate when wrapped in many blankets during the cold season.
The newborn's breathing is regulated alongside the mother's regular breathing rhythm.
When a mother practices co-sleeping with her baby or breastfeeding in bed, it is noted that the baby’s shallow sleep (first and second stages) predominates. It is physiological and helps prevent respiratory arrest and sudden infant death syndrome.
A child's brain grows and develops during light sleep. By promoting the separation of mother and baby, people do not use the natural capabilities of the brain to constant development, limiting them.
If a child sleeps with his parents, he behaves much calmer and cries less. If he starts tossing and turning, mom immediately reacts and calms him down. When organizing a child's sleep in a separate crib, in a separate room, she cannot quickly respond to crying, the baby's level of stress hormone increases, and he cannot calm down for a long time.
Mom worries less if the baby sleeps nearby.

What do opponents of co-sleeping claim?

There is a risk of crushing the child. This is impossible. If the mother does not drink alcohol or sleeping pills, she, being in a state of sleep, reacts to the slightest movement of her child.
Arguments about complex intimate life parents. This issue can be resolved.
The child becomes overly attached to his mother. Attachment to parents will always be, but the psychological consequences of a child sleeping separately can be avoided.

All more people talk about the benefits of sharing sleep with your child. But there are cases when you don’t need to do this:

When parents use alcohol, drugs, sleeping pills, or smoke.
If the parents have contagious diseases.

Parents independently decide which dream they will choose. You can choose a compromise: place cribs for babies next to each other.

About cribs

If you can’t decide which crib to buy, then the most rational solution at first would be to use a stroller with a detachable cradle. Having rocked the baby in it, you move it to Right place without shifting. It is possible to move with the stroller, for example, to the parents’ bedside. For up to three months it can replace your crib. We do not recommend buying all kinds of cradles, cradles with canopies, lace, as they are not only beautiful, but also dangerous to use, especially when the baby starts to sit up.

What kind of cribs for children over one year old can be purchased? You can buy a transformable model that can be attached to the edge of your bed. Such designs are more expensive, but very convenient to use when sleeping together. Manufacturers also offer playpen beds with music, rotating mobiles, and a night light. They have a disadvantage: often the mattress does not meet orthopedic requirements. And high cost. There is also a cocoon bed, but it is irrational; it is only used for up to four months. While theorists are discussing, businessmen are suggesting, mothers are looking for answers and solutions.

A good compromise would still be an additional crib. The child constantly feels his mother next to him, so he sleeps more soundly. If the baby is restless at night, a woman only needs to extend her hand to calm him down. You can feed your baby without getting up. At the same time, he sleeps as if separately, gradually leading to a sleep separate from his parents. When choosing such a crib, you must take into account that it must be securely attached to the parent’s bed, adjustable in height, and be static. A baby can sleep in it up to two years old.

Children's sleep

Newborn babies sleep a lot, 19-20 hours. From 1 month, sleep becomes shorter, from 6 months - even shorter. By the age of one year, the child sleeps twice during the day. 13-14 hours are allotted for sleep. in year? For a night's sleep - no later than 21 hours, during the day gradually transfer to one nap. During the transition, on some days the child can sleep twice a day, on others - once, depending on how he feels. Try to avoid falling asleep with a bottle or sweet drink at this time. Don't start a war when getting ready for bed, come up with rituals for the process of going to bed, for example, quiet games with toys, dim lights in the room, bathing before bed, light massage, Lullaby for babies - an ancient sleeping pill.

Since ancient times, these songs have been endowed with mystical properties. People believed that every mother should come up with a unique tune and words of amulets for her child. Times have changed, but lullabies continue to live, helping to calm a child, and in some ways even influencing his upbringing. Hyperactivity, crying, moodiness, aggression on the part of the baby indicate that he is tired and wants to sleep, react to this correctly. You can take him in your arms. In this situation, a lullaby for babies performed by the mother will be very useful - the child will gradually calm down and go to sleep.

To those who are higher

Older children can be read or told bedtime stories. Gradually, this will become your child’s favorite bedtime ritual. Starting from the age of two, many children listen with pleasure and repeat after their parents “Ryaba Hen”, “Turnip”, “Kolobok” and others. Fairy tales are very attractive to children because they are not only text, they are like a small performance that includes gestures, singing, and moments of theatrical play. A fairy tale can be told every evening, interpreting events, descriptions, enriching it with new details. This does not make the child’s interest disappear, but increases. The baby waits for new details, calms down and listens attentively, which helps him fall asleep quickly.

"Checking out" to a separate crib

As the child grows up, parents think about the age at which co-sleeping with their child is acceptable. What to do when you reach this age? How to teach a child to sleep alone?

From birth to three months, children need to be constantly close to their mother, hear her heartbeat, feel the warmth of her body, they do not separate themselves from their mother. Until 6 months, the baby is completely dependent on the mother's care. After this age, night feedings become more frequent. From birth to a year or two, breastfeeding is considered the norm, and the child often continues to sleep with his parents. Once babies are weaned, they can be easily trained to sleep separately. But from two to four years old, children are tormented by night terrors, for this reason they want to sleep with their mother, to see her presence, which must be taken into account when switching to sleep separately from their parents.

Based on the experience of individual families, we can conclude that it is better to do this during the crisis of three years (at 2.5-3 years), when the child increasingly begins to say: “I myself.” At this age, adults usually no longer need help with the potty. But this does not mean that immediately after the third birthday you need to start abruptly weaning children from co-sleeping. Organize this process gradually.

You can buy a crib for dolls, start putting toys in it with your child, sing lullabies together and tell fairy tales. Then buy a crib for the baby. If you don’t have one yet, take your child to the store with you and choose with him. At home, after assembling the crib, “place” your favorite toy in it. Start with daytime sleep in it, gradually moving to nighttime sleep. A child may wake up at night, cry, ask to see his parents, fulfill his request, let him sleep with you, gradually this will fade away. Do not combine the transition process with weaning, with painful condition, the birth of a second child, when moving to a new place of residence, while enrolling in kindergarten. Don't rush to distance your baby from you. Children grow up quickly. The time will come when you will fondly remember the time when the little one snored next to you.

A little more about children's sleep

You've had enough long time transfer your child to a separate sleep, but in his own crib. The reasons may be different, analyze what is stated below and “try it on” for yourself.

An ill-conceived ritual of getting ready for bed.
Night cold if the child constantly opens up. It may be advisable to sew buttons and loops to the upper corners of the blanket, which are fastened around the crib rails. The blanket will always be in place, no matter how the child tries to throw it off.
Fear. Think about what it might be connected with and eliminate the cause.
Hunger. Don't go to bed hungry.
Frequent illnesses that require increased attention from the parents.
The child's reluctance to break the habit of sleeping with his parents. Here you need to show patience, perseverance, consistency, organizing a gradual transition.

Possible solutions to the problem

Try the following:

Go to bed at a strictly designated time. Stick to the regime religiously.
Organize daytime naps only in a crib.
Consider a bedtime ritual. An hour and a half before bedtime, the atmosphere in the house should be calm and measured. For example, a walk before bed, dinner, quiet games, reading books, going to bed in accordance with the developed ritual. Do not scream, do not make a scandal, do not explode if the child refuses to lie down separately from you.
Try not to overuse motion sickness.
Allowing favorite toys to be taken into the crib brings a sense of security because the child treats them like living people. Allow as many toys as the baby wants in the crib. You can also take your favorite books. This is fine.
Use a night light as children are afraid of the dark.
Do not transfer a sleeping child to a crib. Waking up alone at night, he will be scared.
It is advisable to isolate the crib with a screen, curtain, and place it in another room. The child should have a separate space for sleeping; if it is closed, this is a signal that it is time to sleep.
Set a rule: after completing all the rituals of going to bed, after a fairy tale and wishes Good night You can no longer wander around the apartment. The child must understand that the demands are serious; he will not pity his parents. Some children are afraid to fall asleep alone, they begin to ask for a drink, go to the toilet, complain that their stomach hurts, that noise from the street is bothering them - all this is done in order to capture the attention of their parents and begin to manipulate them. It also disrupts sleep. In such a situation, it is necessary, without a scandal, to silently bring the child to the bed. There is no need to swear, reassure, console, as this is what is required of parents. If you silently accompany your baby to bed several times, he will understand that mom and dad will not give up on their demands, that it is time to sleep.

Young parents can be advised to study the book “Co-sleeping with a child. A Parent's Guide by James McKenna. It discusses and does not question the issue of a child sleeping next to his mother. The author justifies his opinion.

At birth, due to a change in environment, the child experiences severe stress: the beating of the mother’s heart, emotional and biochemical exchange, and a single physiological rhythm have disappeared. All this is very frightening for a newborn. The author argues that in order to avoid the consequences of such a situation, the child must always be close to his mother. Regarding the popular belief that a baby can be crushed in his sleep, James gives recommendations on how to avoid this. He also draws attention to what can happen at night when a helpless child in a separate crib is left to his own devices. It's the noise and shadows in the room that can be scary; midges landing on the crumbs and causing disturbance; a leg caught between the bars; a blanket covering his head and blocking the access of air. The author claims that putting a child to bed alone at night is tantamount to a crime.

If the baby sleeps with his mother, feels the warmth of her body, her smell, hears her breathing, he cries less often, he does not produce cortisol - a stress hormone, so the number of heartbeats does not increase, oxygen absorption is not reduced, and therefore the process does not slow down growth. The child gets rid of constant stress, develops well, gains weight, his abilities are revealed early, and at an older age he is non-conflict. The mother produces breast milk well with close skin-to-skin contact. Sleeping together with parents brings father and child closer and forms mutual intimacy and love between them. McKenna reminds readers that people have been co-sleeping with their children for centuries. And only civilization has brought many strange recommendations from the perspective of pedagogy, often based on pseudoscientific research. The author writes in the book about the experience of raising children in the family of his parents, that they did not apply Spock’s newfangled recommendations, according to which many families raise their children.

Finally

Unfortunately, intuition does not tell many parents what their newborn children are experiencing and feeling. The maternal instinct, which should be trusted, often cannot break through from under the layers of all kinds of information, conventions, and prejudices. Having been born, having entered another world, the child is in a state of comfort in the arms of his mother or next to her. Left to himself, left without attention, he experiences the experience of dying, of falling. This refers not only to co-sleeping with a child, but also to the issue of teaching children to hold hands. Nature has programmed babies to sleep together with their mother; this does not depend on how the baby is fed: breast milk or formula. If this need is not fulfilled, it is a time bomb waiting in the wings. This can appear at any age. As an example: the fear of loneliness at night leads to the fact that someone has many pets and allows them to sleep with them, someone suffers an unsuccessful marriage for fear of being left alone in bed at night. We are not aware of this fear, it is on a subconscious level. Mothers who are afraid of co-sleeping need to think about whether they want a sad fate for their child.

And safety! Our article is devoted to the safety of children's sleep. This is a very important topic that is so little covered in Russia.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Death in a dream of a child in the first year of life is associated with the syndrome sudden death infants (SIDS). A perfectly healthy baby suddenly dies in his sleep. Most often, such cases are recorded during sleep, which is why this syndrome is called “death in the cradle.” Babies in the first year of life are most at risk of SIDS; the risk is especially high in babies in the second and third months of life. 90% of all cases occur in babies under 6 months.

However, SIDS is only part of the conditions united by the term “Sudden Unexpected Death Babies" (VNSM). A significant portion of cases of SUD are accidental asphyxia and suffocation in bed.

Ensuring your newborn sleeps safely is the most important step to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

The unexpected death of a baby in a dream is a rare phenomenon in Russia only 43 cases per 100,000 children born were registered. However, attention should be paid to safe sleep management even if it saves the life of at least one child!

Sources of information about safe children's sleep

In Russia, unfortunately, a targeted unified campaign to inform parents has never been carried out; there is very little information in open sources. That is why we were forced to turn to foreign sources, in particular:

American Academy of Pediatricians www.aap.org
American Academy of Sleep Medicine sleepeducation.com
American National Sleep Foundation www.sleepfoundation.org
National Center for Sleep Research www.nhlbi.hih.gov
Infant Sleep Information Source www.isisonline.org.uk
Consumer Reports www.consumerreports.org
Consumer Product Safety Commission www.cpsc.org
American Institute of SDVS www.SIDS.com
SIDS Alliance www.firstcandle.com

In the same room with parents

One of the first questions that parents look for an answer to even before the baby is born is where will he sleep? It is important to know that sleeping in the same room with your parents for at least 6 months is much more comfortable and safer! It is important to understand that sleeping in the same room as your baby reduces the risk of SIDS by 50%

You will be able to hear and react quickly if your baby cries, burps, or has trouble breathing. In Russia, almost 100% choose to sleep in the same room with their baby up to 1 year of age.

Is it dangerous to take a child into your bed?

Adults have been taking in children since time immemorial! This is as old as time! Since ancient times, children and parents slept together for warmth and comfort. But the term “putting a baby to sleep” has been known since ancient times. What does this mean? These are situations in which a mother, having put the baby to bed next to her, breastfeeding him, falls asleep and accidentally (unintentionally!) presses the baby’s nose and mouth with her breast or another part of the body, as a result of which the child cannot breathe. Preventing this situation was the task of the zemstvo doctors of tsarist Russia, as well as the pediatricians of young Soviet Russia, from whom propaganda posters remained.

Over the past 20 years, scientists have devoted a lot of time and effort to the question: Is it dangerous to take children into your bed? The issue of the safety of a child's first year of life sleeping together in the same bed with parents or other people is the subject of active scientific research and controversy today.

The research results are somewhat troubling. Today, there is extensive statistics of tragic cases associated with sleeping in a parent's bed. It has been proven that co-sleeping, even in the absence of smoking and the use of alcohol and drugs by parents, is a high risk of developing SUD in the infant.

However, not all researchers support this point of view, emphasizing strong evidence that co-sleeping with a child promotes support breastfeeding. There is an opinion that the issue of the safety of co-sleeping with a child should be discussed carefully, taking into account the cultural level of the family and the personal beliefs of the parents. A clear position on this issue presented only American Academy of Pediatrics, which prohibits co-sleeping due to high risk development of SUD, especially for children in the first three months of life, even in the absence of parental alcohol consumption and smoking. This position was supported by Canada, Australia and Oceania, and most countries in Europe and Asia.

The most the best solution It will be a good idea for you to ensure that your baby sleeps directly next to your bed. In a bassinet, in a side crib or in a bed with sides, but not in your bed!

It will be easy for you to feed and soothe your baby, and you yourself will sleep better, knowing that you have taken everything possible measures so that your baby is not in danger.

Safe sleep - Unsafe sleep

9 mistakes in organizing Secure Children's Sleep in the image above (right block):

sleep in a separate room
sleeping on your side
head-to-bed position
pillow
two blankets
cap
the crib is by the window
the crib is next to the radiator
without a pacifier

If you have consciously chosen to Co-Sleep

If, no matter what you choose, you need to minimize potentially dangerous factors. Our recommendations will help you create a safe and comfortable environment and minimize the risk of trouble:

Your bed should be absolutely safe for your baby. The mattress should be hard, even, the sheet should be stretched and secured. You should not sleep on soft feather beds or water mattresses.
Use bed guards to prevent your baby from falling out of it.
If your bed is pushed up against a wall or furniture, check every day for any gaps between the bed and the wall where your child could fall.
The child should lie between the mother and the wall (not between the mother and father). Fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers do not have the maternal instinct, so they cannot feel the child. Often mothers wake up from the slightest movement of the baby.
IMPORTANT! If you find that you only wake up when your baby is already crying loudly, then you should seriously consider moving your baby into your own crib.
Use large mattresses to ensure there is enough space for everyone sleeping

Avoid co-sleeping with your baby if you are overweight as this can lead to dangerous situations. How to check how dangerous your weight is? If your baby rolls towards you because the mattress is too compressed under you and a depression is formed, then you should not practice SS
Remove all pillows and the heavy blankets from your bed.
Do not wear shirts and pajamas with ribbons and ties, and keep long hair away
Remove all jewelry at night
Do not use perfumes or creams with strong odors
Don't let pets sleep in the same bed as your baby
Never leave your baby alone in a large bed unless you are sure that he is completely safe.

James McKenna, Professor, Ph.D.at the University of Notre Dame directsDepartment of Anthropology and Laboratory of Behavior of Mother and Child During Sleep.

Indiana, USA
From New Beginnings, vol. 26 No. 1, 2009, pp. 4-9

Translated by Lilia Huff.Edited translation by Natalia Gerbeda-Wilson

Co-sleeping with a child is not limited to the situation when the child sleeps in the same bed with his parents

There are many options for co-sleeping, i.e. situations where the child sleeps in close physical and emotional contact with his parents, often at arm's length. Co-sleeping with a child is not limited to the situation when the child sleeps in the same bed with his parents. The term co-sleeping also includes sleeping in the same room as the parents, albeit in separate beds, and any other situation in which the baby and parents sleep within arm's reach of each other, not necessarily on the same surface.

One the right way Co-sleeping simply doesn't exist. Some co-sleeping methods are safer than others, and some may not be safe at all. Regardless of where the baby sleeps, in the same bed with you or in a crib, in the same room or in different bedrooms, no one knows the child better than you, and no one feels like you what he needs at the moment.

You need to know in advance safe ways sleep

The decision about where the child will sleep should be balanced and conscious. If you decide to sleep with your child in the same bed, it is very important to pay attention to bed dress, furniture placement, and where older children and pets sleep. It is important to educate yourself about safe sleep practices in advance. Undoubtedly, in the course of evolution in natural conditions habitat, mothers have adapted to sleep next to their babies. The problem is that modern furniture and bedding were not part of the evolutionary process, so they pose a certain danger for sleeping with a child. Sleeping conditions become even more dangerous if the mother smokes and sleeps with the child, or when parents sleep with the child under the influence of alcohol or drugs that dull consciousness.

With knowledge, you can tailor your sleep environment to your family's specific needs so you and your baby sleep comfortably and safely.

Sleeping with your baby is completely normal

Throughout the history of the human race (even in pre-historical times), for hundreds of thousands of years, mothers successfully slept and breastfed, and thereby satisfied the physiological, psychological and social needs of infants. Wherever the baby is born, in Russia, France or Papua New Guinea, the human baby is absolutely equally helpless and develops slowly anywhere in the world. Its survival is entirely dependent on parental care: touching, caressing, carrying and feeding. At birth, the brain of most infant primates is 60-90% that of an adult primate of the same species. A human baby's brain at birth is only 25% of an adult's brain. Compared to primates, the human infant develops more slowly and is biologically dependent on its parents for much longer. Because of physiological immaturity The human baby, at least in the first months of life, is not able to regulate its temperature well when separated from the mother's body. It does not produce its own antibodies to protect against bacteria and viruses, so it must rely on its mother's milk to protect against disease. Human infants cannot control bowel movements, make tools, metabolize large organic molecules, or walk. Anthropologist Ashley Montague described the human infant's need for additional development outside the womb as "external gestation" (1). This means that someone must help the child mature after birth.

Due to such strong immaturity, for the development and satisfaction of all physiological needs, the human baby vitally needs maternal smell, touch, sounds and movement. All primates, including human babies, are biologically required to be in direct contact with those who care for them. A newly born child is not at all adapted to life outside the womb, but he is adapted to life in the conditions of the mother’s body. A child should not be spoiled with attention or held too much. The more children are held and the more attention they receive, the better they grow (2). A child deprived of physical contact with an adult resorts to behavior that increases his chances of survival - he begins to cry. While the child cries and tries to attract the attention of his parents, he produces the stress hormone cortisol.

Co-sleeping naturally follows from parents' desire to be with their children and play important role in human evolutionary survival. Anthropological studies of sleep habits in non-industrialized tropical jungle cultures have found that all hunter-gatherers and all tribal-level societies slept with children (3). The researchers believe that in the communities studied, the ecology and adaptive behavior are close to prehistoric cultures, where community members slept with children in order to preserve the life and well-being of the babies. From all this we can conclude that sleeping together is a long-standing tradition of the human race.

From the point of view of human history, it is a dubious luxury to ask the questions “What to feed a child?” and “Where will the child sleep?” appeared relatively recently in mothers in only a small part of the globe. These questions could only appear when they invented artificial substitutes breast milk and established their industrial production. Industrialized society especially emphasized the supposed advantages of artificial feeding. Artificial feeding from a bottle made it possible to separate mother and child for a longer time (editor's note: this was especially important for women who were forced to work in order to feed their families, and especially in cities where work for women meant working for money outside the home). With the growing wealth of the middle class and the increasing importance of individualism as valuable quality character, it has become fashionable and affordable to put children to sleep in separate bedrooms from their parents. By the mid-20th century, for the first time in human history, artificial feeding became common and the most common way to feed children. (editor's note: historically, if a child was not breastfed, it almost always meant the child's certain death; bottle feeding became the predominant way to feed children only in developed countries) . Children began to be put to sleep on their stomachs so that they would not wake up longer, and in a separate room - this meant that parents could not observe the child and notice and feel what he needed. Nothing good came out of this for the children. Culture has changed, but the human baby's need for mother's milk and tactile contact with the mother's body remains the same as it was thousands of years ago.

In parallel with the newfangled custom of parents and children sleeping separately, an unexpected and alarming trend emerged - more and more children fell asleep and never woke up again. Scientists call this phenomenon sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). The number of cases of sudden death of children has been growing, and scientists to this day do not know the cause of this phenomenon. Suspected cause of sudden infant death syndrome or "cradle death" (editor's note: pay attention to popular name SIDS, which describes the death of a baby due to sleep location) there may be an interaction physiological characteristics of this child combined with environmental stressors such as maternal smoking, formula feeding and stomach sleeping. A conclusion about death from SIDS is given only after an autopsy and a full toxicological analysis, when all other possible reasons deaths are excluded. Today, SIDS is a diagnosis made by excluding other causes of death. In 1963 in Western countries when unexpected infant death without obvious reasons described as a new and independent diagnosis, the mortality rate from SIDS was two to three infants per 1000 live births. SIDS appeared in Western countries at the same time as a previously unseen innovation in child care: feeding cow's milk or artificial formula, long continuous sleep of the child (editor's note: artificial mixtures take longer and are harder to digest, so children artificial feeding sometimes they sleep longer and in deeper sleep, which is not typical for infants) and the practice of putting infants to sleep in a separate room, completely alone and without parental supervision. In addition to this, more and more more women smoked before, during and after pregnancy. All this together led to a real epidemic of SIDS in the West.

By comparison, in most Asian cultures, parents typically co-sleep, children are breastfed, and women rarely smoke. SIDS is either extremely rare or has never been heard of. The custom of putting a child to sleep alone in a separate room appeared 100 years ago and only in industrialized Western countries. Western cultural values—independence, individualism, and self-reliance—have contributed to the propaganda of the ideology that young children should sleep without their parents. The idea was that sleeping alone would definitely lead to the child growing up to be a calm, confident, independent and self-sufficient adult, and without sleep problems. Such conclusions were made without any scientific research or evidence. We have paid and are paying for these baseless and bold assumptions, but all is not lost. We can return to what people do in most cultures of the world, and what is the norm for humans as a species in nature - co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping is good for babies

Parents who sleep with their child constantly remind him of their presence

Parents who sleep with their baby constantly remind him of their presence through touch, smell, movement, warmth and taste of breast milk. The child is not just at ease next to his parents. The presence of the mother and her smell constantly encourage him to suckle more often, which means sucking out more milk. If the baby is in danger, for example, if he accidentally covered himself with a blanket and is trying to free himself, you can immediately help him throw back the blanket (provided that you are sober and not under the influence of sleeping pills). Thus, scientifically speaking, the presence of parents is a favorable environment for the child to live in, where parents immediately respond to the vital needs of the child.

If a child needs something, but no one pays attention to him, he begins to cry (this is especially true for children who have not yet learned to speak). Crying is an evolutionary alarm signal, a child’s way of attracting attention to himself in critical circumstances, for example, when he is in pain, cold, scared or hungry. Crying also shapes maternal behavior.

(editor's note) Crying - useful system alerting parents to the baby's needs, but if the baby cries too long or too often because the parents have not learned to recognize the early signs of stress in the baby or for some reason do not respond to distress signals, the situation can turn against the baby.

A few years ago, it became known that prolonged crying reduces the amount of oxygen in the blood and increases the heart rate, and as a result, the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, increases. Research has shown that elevated cortisol levels during infancy lead to physical changes in the brain, thereby increasing the likelihood of psychological disorders. Not to mention, a baby who cries a lot has less energy for growth and development (4). Children who sleep with their parents are unlikely to fall asleep exhausted by crying, and most likely do not cry at all before going to bed, therefore, do not suffer from excess stress hormones.

Despite these facts, modern parents It is often advised to put children to sleep using the “controlled crying” method. This method is recommended for raising children who cannot fall asleep on their own, wake up at night, or like to fall asleep with their parents. This dangerous method raising babies and children. Australian Association mental health Babies even issued a statement to warn the general public not to resort to controlled crying as an acceptable way to put babies to sleep. “The controlled crying method is not compatible with the emotional and psychological needs of infants and may lead to unintended negative consequences.”

When a child sleeps with his mother, he is warm, and does not need to be wrapped in a million blankets. During sleep, mother and child exchange body heat, and thus the mother regulates the child's body temperature. When a child is born, when he gets into environment from the warm womb, its temperature drops by about 0.5° Celsius. The drop in temperature is partly due to the release of stress hormones. At the same time, the child’s immunity decreases, making him more susceptible to infectious diseases. The child spends precious energy not on growth and development, but on maintaining an unstable body temperature. One study found that the axillary temperature of 11- to 16-week-old infants who slept alone was lower than the average axillary temperature of breastfed infants who slept with their mothers (6).

A baby who sleeps with his mother and is breastfed spends less time in deep sleep (stages three and four of sleep). When your baby is in a deep sleep, it is much more difficult for him to wake up quickly if he suddenly stops breathing (an episode of apnea). During co-sleeping, babies spend the most time in a state of light sleep (stages 1 and 2 of sleep). Light sleep considered physiologically natural, safe and beneficial for young children. It is easier for a child to wake up and interrupt an episode of sleep apnea (apnea) in the light sleep stage than in deep sleep. Shorter stages of deep sleep may protect babies with congenital difficulty waking from sleep (a suspected cause of SIDS). Co-sleeping significantly increases the total number of awakenings in response to maternal sounds, movements and touch. The baby moves in response to the mother's movements and also smells the mother's milk nearby. All this helps ensure that the child does not fall into deep dream, but remains in lung stages sleep most day and night (7).

Both full-term and premature babies benefit from being close to their parents day and night, although I do not recommend sleeping with premature babies in the same bed due to their increased vulnerability and small size. However, it should be noted that children not only learn faster when they spend more time near their parents, as the overall amount of social interaction and communication increases. Babies who sleep on a parent's breast, whether maternal or paternal (kangaroo care), breathe more regularly, use energy more efficiently, grow faster, and suffer less stress (8). Scientists Sari Goldstein, McHaul and Helen Ball, in a review of the scientific literature on skin-to-skin contact between mother and child and kangaroo care, note that this method of raising children promotes early discharge of premature babies from the hospital, reduces the number of episodes of apnea and bradycardia (slow heart rate) (9 ). The mother's touch has a pain-relieving effect, and being carried in her arms helps the baby recover from labor fatigue (10). Constant contact between mother and baby promotes spontaneous initiation of feeding and increases the duration of each feeding (11). Skin-to-skin contact increases a child's overall sleep time, calms children, stabilizes heart rate and breathing, and as a result improves blood oxygen saturation (12).

Co-sleeping is also beneficial for mothers. Skin-to-skin contact with the baby increases the amount of oxytocin in the mother (a hormone that is released during breastfeeding). Research by Swedish scientists shows (13) that skin-to-skin contact helps the uterus contract. (editor's note: contraction of the uterus protects against postpartum hemorrhage and helps the uterus return to its prenatal state) and stimulates the milk ejection reflex (editor's note: this means that it is easier for the baby to suck out milk). Mothers experience less stress and are also more adept at caring for their newborn (14).

Parents in the West are advised to let their child “cry it out” before bed in order to raise a child who is independent, accustomed to being alone, and able to self-soothe. However, modern research shows that in extreme cases, irreparable damage is caused to a child's brain if one does not try to calm a baby who is crying inconsolably. Constant stress in a child who is not even tried to be calmed when he cries is associated with high level depression and emotional disorders in later life. Many child psychologists believe that children know what they need, so parents should listen to the natural desire to soothe a crying child.

Sleeping together between parents and children in the same bed naturally follows from physical contact, carrying a child in arms, and kangaroo care. Many children and parents happily sleep together, enjoying the cozy closeness and warmth. But co-sleeping isn't easy. good time, and the biological interaction between parent and child: the mother’s body regulates the child’s body temperature, the regular rhythm of the child’s breathing is set by the rhythmic vibrations of the mother’s breast and the sounds of her breathing. Biological research show that in many mammals, such “hidden” signals serve as the impetus that triggers the next breath in the young (15, 16).

Even the carbon dioxide that the mother exhales serves useful purpose while sleeping together. The amount of carbon dioxide that the mother exhales stimulates the baby's breathing (17). The carbon dioxide exhaled by the mother is an emergency stimulus for the child's breathing in case he begins to breathe more slowly or stops breathing altogether. Carbon dioxide makes the child breathe more often.

But that's not all! During close bodily contact, the development of brain cells is stimulated, and the necessary neural connections are formed between them. In a sense, co-sleeping at night naturally continues the microclimate that promotes the development of a variety of social, communication and emotional skills during the day, as the baby is calm and under parental control and protection. A mother is not a person who serves a child. The mother is the child’s habitat not only during the day, but also at night. English psychologist Donald Winnicott said that a child's survival is highly dependent on adults when he wrote: "There is no such creature as a child - only a child and someone else." So when we talk about what children need, what they can or cannot do, everything makes sense only in the context of the mother's body.

Additional resources:

Hello dear readers and subscribers. The author of the blog Irina Gavrilik is with you again and recently I have new topic for conversation. The fact is that the other day I overheard a conversation between two young mothers. Just don’t rush to scold me right away. I honestly don't suffer from excessive curiosity. It was just that it happened at a bus stop, where two girls were so heatedly discussing sleeping together with a child that I was far from the only one who became an involuntary witness to their conversation.

It turns out that one of them was soon preparing to become a mother, and the other was already raising two small children and advised the first one to put the baby to bed immediately after birth. separate crib, explaining that it’s much easier to get enough sleep yourself and it’s safer for the baby.

I will say right away that I do not support separate sleeping, especially with a baby, and there are enough reasons for that. But I didn’t interfere in the girls’ conversation, but decided to write about it here on the blog. Therefore, read the article to the end and you will find out:

what worries the baby
How co-sleeping helps prevent sudden infant death syndrome
all the benefits of sleeping in the same bed as your baby
how to organize sleep so that the whole family is rested and joyful
up to what age should you sleep together and how to properly wean your child from sleeping next to his mother
dispel the myths, fears and dangers that you have heard from relatives and friends

And in conclusion, I will tell you how my husband and I, through trial and error, came to the conclusion that sleeping together with two children is not only correct, but also useful.

Every woman, already in an interesting position, not least of all mentally imagines her baby’s corner: a beautiful crib, decorated with a light, almost weightless canopy. A soft mattress, a warm blanket and a lot of plush toys. Cute, isn't it? But is this what the baby needs?

Just think about it: you carried your child under your heart for 9 months. He listened to his knock, sucked his fist, felt your mood and emotions, played with the umbilical cord, swallowed amniotic fluid - he knew that his mother was always there.

And now comes the time of childbirth. But every woman experiences childbirth differently. Someone attended special courses and knows in advance how to behave correctly, how to breathe and follow the recommendations of the obstetrician. Someone screams and panics, and someone is taken to a caesarean section.

What about the child? He is also in pain and scared. He comes into this new world for him, so strange, alien and unfamiliar. He doesn’t understand where the warmth and coziness, comfort and tranquility have disappeared – where is his mother.

In the understanding of the baby, he and his mother are a single whole. The baby needs physical contact, because the world for him consists of touches. It is important for him to know that you are always nearby, to hear a familiar voice, to feel your smell and taste of mother's milk. Then everything falls into place. The baby understands that he is not alone and is completely safe - he calms down, gradually gets used to it and gains confidence.

Why a child may not wake up

If you've ever listened to a sleeping baby, you've probably noticed that his breathing is uneven - as if he sometimes forgets to breathe. Experts confirm that during sleep, infants are characterized by periods of short-term cessation of breathing and heart rhythm disturbances - apnea. As a result, the child may simply suffocate if he is not woken up in time.

Sudden infant death syndrome is not a disease and has no cure. This is a diagnosis that is made when an absolutely healthy child dies in a dream, for absolutely no reason.

This phenomenon has not been thoroughly studied, and it is not possible to explain it, but it is known that from birth in children, the respiratory and cardiovascular systems, although fully developed, are not adapted to new conditions. Simply put, during deep sleep children's body it just doesn’t know how to behave and may fail.

The most dangerous period is from the birth of a child to 6 months. The fact is that a baby's sleep is very different from the sleep of an adult. Adults, falling asleep, can immediately fall into deep sleep until the morning. While it is natural for children to fall asleep through a phase restless sleep, then plunge into deep sleep for a couple of hours and then remain in the stage of active or superficial sleep, often latching on to the chest, tossing and turning.

But due to the extreme stress that a baby experiences when left alone in a separate crib, the mechanism for waking up from sleep may be disrupted. As a result, the child often and for a long time goes into deep sleep, from where, without outside help may not come back.

It is enough to wake up the baby with a simple touch and his organs and systems will start working again.

Parents whose children sleep in a separate bed or even room often note that their child’s night’s sleep is sounder and longer than the sleep of children sleeping next to their mother.

And now, if someone asks: “What’s wrong with that?” - You know what to answer.

Back in 1992, a study was conducted. A completely healthy infant was connected to sensors and placed in a separate crib for the night. Mom only picked him up to feed him and then put him back down again. During six hours of separate sleep, sensors recorded 53 cases of breathing disorders and heart rhythm disturbances. The next night the child slept with his mother - the sensors did not detect a single anomaly.

To be sure, the experiment was repeated. They put the child in a separate crib for several hours, and the child spent the rest of the night's sleep next to his mother. And again, during the time spent apart from the mother, the equipment detected 28 failures. And during the time we slept together, the indicators were ideal - no failures were recorded.

How to explain this?

The human heart generates the strongest electromagnetic field in the body. The energy created is felt within a radius of more than half a meter. Therefore, mother and baby feel each other’s presence. Their heartbeat synchronized, they move together from one level of sleep to another - from deep to superficial and back. This is how the child learns to breathe correctly, and the mother wakes up with the baby.

Sudden death syndrome is a problem of a civilized society and separate sleep. Because only the mother subconsciously knows what is best for her baby. She will hug and warm, cuddle and protect her child, but a separate, even the best crib will not.

Pros of co-sleeping

The opportunity to get a good night's sleep. We figured out why a child’s healthy sleep largely depends on the mother’s presence. What about the mother herself? After all, she also needs good rest. But just imagine, will you be able to get enough sleep if you have to get up 5-10 times a night, take the little one out of the cradle, feed it and try to put it back without waking him up? And so every night. How soon will such rest lead to you starting to throw yourself at others? And if the baby is sleeping next to you, you just need to take it out and give him the breast. You may not even wake up completely. And there is no need to be afraid that you will fall asleep while feeding and the baby will roll off your hands. And over time, you will gain confidence, choose a comfortable one and be able to completely relax and unwind.
The lactation period increases. Have you noticed that while breastfeeding a woman often feels sleepy? This does not happen by accident. The fact is that the duration of the breastfeeding period depends on the level of a special hormone - prolactin. It is responsible for the production of breast milk and its content in the body grows while the mother sleeps - no matter day or night. And it drops sharply if you feed rarely or not at all at night. Plus, frequent night sucking is additional breast stimulation, which also increases milk volume. Therefore, the desire to lie down and sleep with your baby for at least an hour is not a sign of fatigue, but a natural need.
Mental and physical development child. What is needed for full growth little man? Naturally good nutrition, mental development and a strong nervous system. All this can provide sufficient quantity“hind” milk, which begins to flow to the baby only after prolonged continuous sucking. It is rich in fats, which promotes weight gain, and high content polyunsaturated acids are the key to the full development of the brain and nervous system. But sometimes the baby’s daily activity is constantly distracted by something from feeding - there are so many new, bright and unknown things around. But during sleep, he more than makes up for lost time, sucking on the breast for a long time. It is also known that a baby’s brain actively develops not only during the day, when he learns about the world around him, but also during sleep. And the physical closeness of the mother at night helps relieve daytime stress, relax and calm down. Personally, I have noticed more than once that if a child has had an emotionally intense day, then night feedings become noticeably more frequent.
Frequent feedings, including at night, promote rapid contraction of the uterus and restoration of the body after childbirth. They also protect against pregnancy, since a nursing woman usually does not have menstruation for at least six months.

Let's dispel myths, fears and dangers

Fear of crushing the child. This is excluded for two reasons. Firstly, with the birth of a baby, maternal sleep becomes incredibly sensitive and responsive to his condition. A woman is able to catch the slightest fuss of a baby, but at the same time, extraneous loud noise does not bother her at all. Secondly, all babies are snub-nosed from birth, thanks to which air access to the small nose will always be ensured, no matter how hard the mother presses the baby to the chest.
Fear that the child will remain in the parent's bed for a long time. Co-sleeping is a natural childhood need, which, if satisfied, will go away with age. After about three years, children who have slept with their parents want to have their own corner and consider sleeping in their own bed a privilege of age. On the contrary, there are cases where children, whose parents taught them to sleep separately from infancy, grew up and began to ask to go to their parents’ bed.
The child will deprive the parents of their intimate life. Some spouses are afraid to wake up their child; it is unusual for them to have another little person lying in bed with them. But here everything depends only on you. You can remember your youth, use your imagination and not limit yourself only to bed.

How to properly organize co-sleeping

Do you know what a co-sleeping situation sometimes looks like? Mom read a ton of children's literature, and most sources advocate co-sleeping - this is good and healthy. I ran through my friends and acquaintances - they also practice it, they say - it’s necessary and correct. And the mother decided that we would sleep together with the newborn. At the same time, she is afraid to sleep with the child, is constantly worried and nervous, does not get enough sleep and is angry. The child, feeling tension, behaves restlessly, does not sleep, screams and is capricious. Dad doesn’t understand what’s going on at all, because no one asked his opinion - he gets ready and goes to sleep on the sofa in the middle of the night. In the end, everyone is unhappy, but they continue to torment each other, because somewhere it is written that this is better and safer.

But understand! The essence of sleeping together is to unite and unite the family, to make it even stronger and more reliable, and not to divide everyone into rooms. Don't go to extremes. You shouldn't look at others. Consult with your husband, discuss the pros and cons and find a convenient solution specifically for your situation.

Place your child to sleep on a flat, firm, clean surface. A water mattress or air mattress is too mobile - the baby will constantly roll around.
Do not place your child on the edge of the bed to prevent him from rolling onto the floor. Better move the bed close to the wall. If there is a gap left between the wall and the bed, it needs to be filled with something so that the baby does not stick an arm, leg or head there.
You should not place the baby next to the father or older child. They don't feel the baby so keenly. However, it is noted that most fathers, after some time of co-sleeping, also become incredibly sensitive to the presence of the child.
No soft pillow or fluffy blanket. Having buried his nose in them, the baby will not be able to breathe normally. And children under two years old should not sleep on a pillow at all.
Do not dress or wrap your baby too tightly. He will take part of the heat from you. And if you overheat, prickly heat may appear; read more about what it is and how to deal with it.
Give up cosmetics and hygiene products with a pungent aroma. It can interrupt the familiar maternal smell and irritate the baby's nose.
It is better to use natural products to wash clothes.
Ventilate and humidify the air in the room more often.
Do not lie down next to your child if you are extremely tired, have drunk alcohol or have taken sedatives, as your sensitivity and self-control will be greatly dulled.
It is also undesirable for a child to sleep in the same room with a smoker, since statistics say that the risk of sudden death in a child in this environment increases.

And, if the width of your sleeping place does not allow you to comfortably settle down with your child, then you can purchase add-on cot(coslipper). It is attached closely to your bed and the child always sleeps nearby, even in his own bed.

How to move a child into your own bed

Teaching a child to sleep separately is not difficult - you need to act gradually, but confidently. And under no circumstances should you put pressure on the baby. It is clear to say when it is impossible to do this better - all children are different and each child is individual in his own way. But you will definitely understand that after 3-4 years the baby will begin to show independence, saying that he is already an adult and can do everything on his own. Then it's worth trying:

Start with the second blanket. That is, the bed is still shared, but the baby has his own blanket.
Together with your child, buy new bedding for a separate bed - it will be his only. Let him choose the color and pattern himself.
It is better if at first it is not a separate room, but a bed next to yours. Let the child know that he is not being persecuted - he is simply growing up.
Agree with your baby that he will sleep in his own bed during the day, fall asleep next to you at night, and then you will move him to a separate crib, if he doesn’t mind, of course.

The child must be explained why this is necessary. Children at this age know how to hear and listen - they understand everything. And, if the baby comes to you to sleep in the morning, then do not scold him. Just praise him for sleeping through the night on his own, like an adult - one praise is much better than ten reproaches.

My co-sleeping story

I, like many other young mothers, did not start co-sleeping right away. Before going to bed, I bathed our first child, Dominic, swaddled him (for those interested in swaddling methods, read here), fed him and put him in a separate crib. At night, as soon as the baby starts to groan and fuss, my husband would take him out and bring him to me. I will give the breast, Dominic will smack a little and fall asleep. The husband will take him in his arms, hold him in a column and carefully put him back in the crib. And so many times a night. A month later, my husband once said that he was already used to not getting enough sleep. But we consoled ourselves with the thought that sacrificing sleep for the sake of the child was right and proudly considered ourselves good parents.

One incident changed everything. I wake up my husband and ask him to put the baby in his crib. He jumped up, ran up to me and froze - I was sitting on the bed, folding my arms across my chest, as if I was feeding a baby, and Dominic was sleeping peacefully in his crib. My husband said that he woke up in an instant from fear that I had dropped the child. From the next night we all began to sleep together and never regretted it.

When Ivona was born to us, the issue of sleeping separately was not even considered. We all sleep together. The only thing, in order to make everyone more comfortable, we removed one side from the crib and moved it close to ours. Ivona sleeps there, an arm's length away from me. And he sleeps much more peacefully than Dominic slept in the first month. If they ask me how many times I feed during the night, I will answer that I don’t remember. It’s as if I emerge from a dream, give my breast to the baby and go back to sleep, while everyone gets enough sleep and feels great.

Co-sleeping is great. After all, the baby will inevitably grow up, become an adult and independent. Only wonderful memories will remain of those happy moments when you could caress him, and he, smiling, fell asleep sweetly in your arms.

I'll probably end on this happy note. And you, dear readers, I invite you to comments and groups on social networks. Ask questions, get answers and share own experience sleep with your baby. Subscribe to updates - there is still a lot of interesting things ahead.